(Nonna and Nonno's awesome retro espresso cups. Long live the 1970s!)
I'm amazed that it's already been three months since I last wrote up a list of my favourite search terms. With the assistance of Statcounter, I bring you my favourite terms or phrases that people have entered into Google over winter, with a search result that brings them to Melbourne Gastronome. All of these search terms are genuine and date from the last three months, since I did my previous roundup of hilarious/dodgy/bizarre search terms (see here - and see the initial roundup here).
-'wine and dine my girl in melbourne'
-'nice restaurant, not too wanky melbourne'
-'floating restaurants in melbourne' (I'm not aware of ANY floating restaurant in melbourne, let along multiple floating restaurants!)
-'offal foodie club, melbourne' (that would be the Melbourne Tripe Club: according to family folklore, my Australian grandfather was a proud member)
-'24 hour dumplings in melbourne' (oh, HELL yes... but where?)
-'melbourne restraunt devil greets' (???)
-'test tubes melbourne bar near chinatown' (you're probably thinking of the Croft Institute)
-'level 3 restarants in crown casino for hens nights'
-'expensive 2 storey building restaurant melbourne'
-'hauntings melbourne cutler & co' (hauntings, really?)
-'cumulus incorporate melbourne'
-'butch and bitch recipe ideas' (eg 'The Butch and the Bitch': sounds like a feisty lesbian version of 'The Cook and the Chef'... love it!)
-'camp bitch longrain cocktail recipe'
-'adelaide sichuan nazi review' (is there really a Sichuan Nazi in Adelaide, and is he anything like Melbourne's Duck Nazi?)
Lengthy questions people type into Google:
-'wanting to buy grano padano cheese by the wheel from melbourne australia'
-'is there any egyptian chief in melbourne who can cook to me at my home for one day'
-'i want know about test of sweet potato, olive and bocconcini terrine in entree'
-'i want to know is there a filling in melbourne in children care in need and whether intended pearls'
-'free english learning center for 6 year old child in melbourne at malvern road'
Some of the stranger ones:
-'fish banana hair clip'
-'what is more important food for the queen'
-'nonno's pint-sized gourmet chef'
-'glass decoupage map of paris'
-'asian students massage blogs melbourne'
Specific questions: if anyone knows the answer to any of these, please feel free to answer in the comments section!
-'matt preston food critic how tall?'
-'what to wear to dinner at gingerboy'
-'where to buy spearmint milk in melbourne'
-'what to do on grand final day in melbourne'
-'how to cook whoo hoo fish' (uh, what IS whoo hoo fish??)
-'how to make black jack food colouring'
Er, can't say that I've ever had or wanted to have magic mushrooms, but if one does it's comforting to know where one should start looking:
-'drugs in richmond streets melbourne'
-'where to get magic mushrooms in melbourne victoria'
-'find magic mushrooms near st kilda'
-'location of magic mushrooms in st kilda'
Hmm, there's a story behind these ones:
-'stewing dish name and restaurant name in melbourne' (maybe this one is a riddle: can you think of a restaurant in Melbourne whose name also means a kind of stewing dish??)
-'man thanks tower lodge hunter valley'
-'man thanks tower lodge hunter valley in his will'
-'george calombaris' girlfriend claire' (not me, I hasten to point out)
-'mute monkey clare' (that's Claire with an 'i')
-'melbourne lawyer food blog' (yep)
-'armagnac lawyer blog' (is there a lawyer writing a blog dedicated solely to Armagnac?)
And, as always, the dirty ones:
-'no pants in restaurants'
-'sexy salads richmond'
-'cheapest brothels in melbourne' (this one crops up with mind-numbing regularity: does it have to be cheapest, fellas? Go on, pay for quality!)
-'brothel reviews melbourne'
-'topless restaurants melbourne' (dammit, I made one passing reference to the word 'topless' in a Wikipedia quote in the context of the Coney Island Mermaid Parade, and now I get searches for topless restaurants)
-'one grill tree old man's fug porno'
-'hunter porn reviews site girls got cream gallery 2' (ewww)
(Mixed mushrooms and mushy peas on toast, recently consumed at Auction Rooms. Recommended!)
Oh, and I just wanted to also issue a quick reminder about the Gippsland Gastronome Prize Giveaway, open to all Melbourne Gastronome readers in Victoria. The competition is open until midday (AEST) on Friday 28th August, so you still have 36 more hours to hone and finetune your poetic stylings to go into the running to win a night's accommodation in a cabin at the Outpost Retreat in Noojee.
I'm completely besotted by all the wonderful entries that have been submitted so far by my noble and dashed clever readers, and have no idea how I will be able to choose a winner... but announce the winner I shall on Monday 31st August. If your poem hasn't been linked to your blog, or you haven't emailed me some basic contact details instead then please do so, so that I can get in contact with you if you are the winner... :)